Tomorrow.

Tomorrow is my big day and I am kind of numb. I thought I would be excited but I am scared that I am making the wrong decision. This is not something that I can just go back on. I am not even nervous...I really have no feeling. Is this normal? I have that fear that I am not going to wake up and my son is only going to remember me for being selfish doing this elective surgery and not being able to be there for him. Are these normal feelings?

I am first tomorrow...in 8 hours I will be at the hospital. Xavier is spending the night across the street at my mother in laws that way we do not have to wake him up and take him over there in the morning since it is going to be so early when we leave. I don't want to have to say good bye to him tonight.I know I am going to cry. He doesn't understand, but I feel like I am leaving him for selfish reasons, even thought I am really doing this surgery so I can keep up with him and be around a lot longer, rather then being obese and not being able to keep up.


Okay, well...wish me luck! I am going to take before pix tonight...I will post them once I get home either on Wednesday when I get home from the hospital or later this week once I get settled. Don't worry I will not leave anything out about how I am feeling and the surgery.

Well, once I get home I will be on the "losers bench"!!

The wait is over....

The wait is over....I am APPROVED!  I think this is one of the best days ever...besides marrying my husband and birthing my son! I can not believe I heard those words....APPROVED! I just am so excited...I'm smiling, crying, and I just don't know what to do with myself.

Okay, I have let my house go, it is soo messy because I was soo worried I was going to get denied I let my house go to crap...so I must clean!

yup...still waiting...

I just realized I had comments on some posts...I couldn't believe I actually had readers! Thank you all for your comments. I promise later on today I will post back to each and every one of you...right now I am watching loony tunes with the little one.

Just a quick update. I finally got the phone number to the pre-authorization department for Aetna. The girl that I was talking to was going to put me through to the nurse working on my file but of course it was lunch time and the nurse was not at her desk (at least that is what they told me). I am going to try back in a little while. I do not care if I bug them today, I really want to get some answers because they have had my file forever and I feel like everyone else gets their results in a few days with Aetna and here is me still waiting. If they need something or whatever I would like to know before Friday.

I just really want to know, I need to start this mental prep for the surgery. This is not a light surgery, they are going in and rearranging my organs, and taking away part of my stomach (well cutting it). I need to mentally be strong for this, if I go in feeling rushed I know I will not have a good experience. So I sit here and I wait. I just want to talk to someone to see if they are going to approve me. I just want to hear that one little word..."approved" then I can take a deep breath, get my house ready because I am going to be sore next week...if I get surgery. I just need to know.

Waiting makes me not want to do anything. My house is a nightmare but I just don't want to clean it...I just have the not wanting to do anything feeling. This waiting game is long enough, I feel like they are playing with my emotions, even though they probably have no idea what they are doing to me....not that they would care. I understand there are other people waiting for the same thing and the nurse is busy, but I don't care about other people right now, I am being selfish for once in my life and it actually sorta feels good. This is for ME and I am aloud to be selfish.

Okay, I think I am going to call back to see if I can get that nurse on the line. I will let everyone know if I hear something soon! :)

Wish me luck.

simply annoyed.

I know this may sound really bad, but I truly have no hope that I am going to get approved. I am still waiting, the first thing I did when I woke up this morning...called Aetna. Still in the "pending" status. I really don't know how much of this cruel and unusual punishment I can take. (lol) Okay, maybe this sounds like I am taking this too hard but seriously, this is all I can think of. A week from today I could be in surgery, and I can't even mentally prepare for it. I am the type of person that has to plan and prepare for things. When I go out to dinner I have to know a few days ahead of time so I can look at the menu and decide what I want. I have always been like this. Soo...if I am like that over a menu, think of how it is for me to decide of a life changing operation. Ya, that is how crazy I am. When something is out of my hands, like this insurance is, I just don't know what to do with myself. I just can't stand that there is no news...anything besides PENDING. I am so sick of PENDING. It seems like everyone that has been approved with Aetna was approved within a few days, that is why I am beginning to think I am going to be denied. There has to be something, some reason why this is taking so long. I just want to cry.

Aetna...please give me an answer soon!

It is Sunday Oct. 24th. My paperwork was submitted to Aetna for my Gastric Bypass Approval on Oct 15th, and I still have not heard an answer. I am so nervous. I really think that there is going to be a big fat denial call this week. I do not have any hopes anymore....I am just nervous. My stomach as hurt all weekend and I feel horrible. My head has hurt so bad...it is all stress. I do not know why insurance companies do this to people. My husband and I pay $400 a month out of pocket for insurance....yup....$400....and to be ignored like this for this long is crazy. I honestly thing that it should be only a 5 day turn around time at the most. Seriously, there is no way people need 15 days to look at something. You know when the insurance looks at the files they know if they are going to approve them or not. That is what makes me upset.

I had my pre-operation appointment on Friday. It was exciting because they went over everything for the day of surgery, all the information I was going to need for after surgery. The one lady asked me "this is supposed to be an exciting day for you and you do not look excited." I replied "I still haven't heard from insurance and I can not be excited until I hear the words approved." They all understood, it is just really nerve wracking. Knowing that I am this close to my big day and with one phone call this week it can all be taken away from me.

I don't understand why like 3 months into the 6 month process that more insurance companies want from you they can't give you a heads up if they are going to approve you. For someone to go through all this and not even know the outcome is just not right. I mean, I do understand why they have guidelines, but I think the guidelines are too open.

So far I meet all the requirements. I have a BMI of 40+ for the 2 years Aetna requires, I have severe sleep apnea, lower back pain, high blood pressure. I also did the 6 month supervised diet (although I gained/lost and stayed around the same weight from which I started...that worries me), I met with the nutritionist a lot and also passed the psych evaluation. So, I have done everything. I have had all my pre-op testing, all my blood work....everything. So...you would think I would be an easy "approved." I can't believe it is taking this long to hear something. I seriously am sick over this.

Okay, well I am going to go lay on the couch and hopefully fall asleep. My hubby is at his friends house playing video games, my son went to bed early...so all I want to do is fall asleep so hopefully I hear something in the morning when I call Aetna. PLEASE! I'll let everyone know.

Please keep everything crossed for me, because I really have bad vibes.

i will not call the insurance company....

.....I will not call the insurance company....hahaha. I had to blog to keep me from picking up the phone, or better yet logging into my health insurance account and using the online chat to see if there is any news on my approval. I can not take this wait, I always was one with no patience, but this is really driving me insane. I know everything was submitted correctly, I know all the requirements were met, and I know I have the sleep apnea...so I should be approved. I just don't have a good feeling about it, and there is no way I can rest until I know what is going on.

I really hope I know something by this weekend. Seriously, I need this weekend to chill out since next weekend is Halloween and the weekend before surgery...I need one weekend to chill out and rest. I also need this weekend to get all my school work caught up on so I have nothing to worry about when I am in the hospital. I just can't even concentrate on school this week because my mind is totally not there. My mind is wondering about what is going on at Aetna. Maybe I should call today, ugh, I am supposed to be talking myself out of calling, and here I am making reasons why I should call. Seriously! See how my mind works. I am sure ya'll are thinking and wondering how my husband puts up with me, I wonder the same thing! HA! He told me to wait and if I do not hear anything today to call tomorrow....but that is a whole 24 hours, can I really wait that long? Geeeze.


Okay I am going to go clean my living room...maybe while I am doing that someone will call me with some sorta news....yea....maybe that will happen!

wait....wait....wait....

I think I am officially going crazy during this waiting game! Anyone else feel this same way? I was officially submitted Friday, the 15th. I thought it was sooner, but they were missing a paper...but it is 100% submitted so I just wait. Seriously...I thought I wouldn't be like this, I thought I would just be able to put it out of my mind...but it is soo on my mind I didn't know if I even felt like blogging about it because I have thought about it so much I didn't feel like writing about it, if that makes any sense. Everyone keeps telling me "it will be okay" but seriously...no one knows for sure what the insurance is going to say, so I wish people would just let me vent and not say anything back. I just wish I had someone that would sit there, not saying anything and let me ramble on and on until I got a phone call with some sorta news. LOL.

I went to the weightloss seminar last night...not that I don't do things last minute! HA! I am happy that I went to it, I am happy that I have done my own research also on my own about the surgery. I think I am more prepared than I thought I would be for the surgery. I have learned so much, I have meals planned for when I can eat (depending what I can eat) and I have a exercise program made up in my mind that I am going to start doing everything/every other day! I feel good about this, but the waiting is killing me. I honestly think if I get denied I am going to be crushed.

At the seminar last night the doctor that was speaking was one of the doctors that is on the team of doctors with my surgeon, so I felt really good listening to everything that he had to say. He was honest about a lot of things, which scared me, but it is what needed to be said. There are risky things with every surgery, and this is a big surgery...not that all surgeries aren't. Well, he was talking about the insurance, and he was listing where insurance would approve and I do fall into the category for 40+ BMI, and on top of that I have sleep apnea and high blood pressure....soooo......they should approve me. That means nothing though because insurance companies can deny for any reason. That is what sux about the whole situation.

Sorry if all I keep talking about is if I am going to be approved or not, but seriously that is the only thing that has been going on. It is really all I can think about anymore. I couldn't even sleep last night and when I did fall asleep I woke up in the middle of the night and the first thought was about Aetna. oh goodness....this is going to be a long week or 2.

I have my preop appointment with Dr. Gagne Friday, so if I do not blog before that (of course I will blog if I hear anything) I will blog again on Friday.

Remember, if you have any questions or thoughts for me, feel free to email me at MartiniMama412@gmail.com

The waiting game

I feel bad, it has been almost a month since I last posted, and honestly I did not want to go that long without posting something...but life has been crazy. I don't feel like getting into the personal stuff, but if you read Martini Mama you will get caught up with that...I try to separate the 2 blogs that I write.

Let me start by saying, I had my last weigh in this past Monday...the 11th of October. So, that means that my letter and weight check has been faxed over to my surgeons office. I got a call yesterday that everything should be submitted to my insurance towards the end of the week. Now is the waiting game. Everything that I can do has been done, now it is up to Aetna to tell me if I can get surgery and they will cover it or not. I don't know how fair that is, my doctors only can do so much, they can recommend that I have this surgery, but insurance can still say no! Lovely. I guess it is just wait it out now.

I really am starting to get nervous. I don't think it would be normal to not feel nervous. I just want to know if it is a 100% go or not. lalalala....I just wait and see. I will post as SOON as I hear something.