My Sleep Apnea tests came back, they called me last week. I have been wanting to write about it, but I seriously had to think about it for awhile. When they called I was in shock when they told me I have severe sleep apnea. I was embarrassed. Seriously! I just wanted to ignore the tests and go on. I then called my surgeons office and spoke with the nurse. Well I can not get Gastric Bypass without getting the sleep machine and all that. So I go back on the 28th to get fitted for my sleep mask. I just wanted to cry at first. How fair is this...! I became defensive about the whole situation. I didn't want the mask to sleep with, I didn't want to wear it. I was coming up with every excuse in the book. I thought about it and thought about it....then I came to the conclusion that I need to stop being so defensive and concentrate on my well being.
I started this gastric bypass journey to get healthy. I am not in it to get "skinny" or anything like that. I did it to lose weight and keep healthy for my son. Well, if it wasn't or me doing this for myself, I would of never known I had sleep apnea. (Which I am learning is very dangerous to not get treated.) So, with becoming healthy, this is something I must do for myself to stay healthy. Why should I be embarrassed about having sleep apnea? I already am able to admit I am morbidly obese....so this is one thing that can come along with being that over weight. I can look on the bright side that once I lose this weight the sleep apnea might go away....but then again it might not. I should just be thankful that I decided to do this process...even though I am finding out things that I do not want to know about myself it is for the best that I do know this....because then it can be treated.
In a few weeks I have my 5th weigh in. I am excited. I am more excited to be getting my surgery date soon and to see if my insurance approves me for the surgery. I am trying not to think about what I am going to have to go through if I am denied. I made up my mind I will fight...I am fighting for my life...and I will do whatever it takes to get healthy for my child. I keep thinking about being able to run with him and just feel soo much better about myself. Even though I am not doing it to be "skinny" having this extra weight always is on my mind. I am self conscience a lot of the times, even though I might not show it. I can not imagine being able to go out of the house with a nice outfit on and feel good. I think this is surgery is not only going to be good for me physically, but also mentally. I think about this all the time. I am very excited for this to all come together. I have been working so hard the past few months and it honestly has went by so fast!
I just cant wait to start my change!