Some Fears.

I am sure it is normal to have fears about weight loss surgery. I have new ones everyday. I am not scared of the surgery itself. I am sure that will change once I get approved from my insurance and the time gets closer. Right now I have little fears about things.

My one main fear...what if I don't like the way I look thin? I have always been overweight. I never saw myself "thin." What if I don't like it? This might sound really bad, but I love myself and I am very confident about my looks. Well, not so much about my body but my face. I love wearing makeup and I just love my face. What if I lose weight and I don't like that face under everything? That is my main fear.

Another fear, and I am sure is going to be a reality is people saying "you need to stop losing weight." I have a goal in my mind and so do my doctors. My doctors goal for me to be healthy is 140lbs. Everyone that I tell that to says "you will look too thin if you get that low." I ask them "Well I am having the surgery to get healthy, and that is a healthy weight for my height...why would I have the surgery and not have a healthy weight in mind." As much as I know family cares, I do not want to hear things like that. A lot of my family is not asking questions about the surgery and I know a lot of them do not want me to even go through with it. I just don't want them to pretend to care and tell me I need to stop losing once I have the surgery. If you do not care about me before the surgery, don't start caring after.

I can not wait til I can go get my treadmill in a few weeks. I can not wait to start walking more. I want to get in a routine before my surgery that way after I get it I can just ease right back into a workout that I am used to. I am looking at this is a second chance at life. My first chance I didn't care about my body, but this second chance I am getting I am going to take care of myself. I am going to watch everything that goes into my mouth, I am going to make sure not only I am eating healthy but that my husband and son are too. I am going to get into an exercise routine that I do, and I am going to stick with it. I am going to be the health conscience person I have always wanted to be but never was. I am going to do this.