Wednesday, September 8, 2010

It's been a little.

I know, I know, it has been awhile...but life sorta got in the way of my blogging. I have also been doing this daily blog challenge on my Mommy Blog and I didn't realize how hard it is to find time to blog at least once a day for 30 days. Okay, so for my update...

Let me see, where do I begin? Well my pants started to get big on me so I got really excited that I was losing weight. I have been sticking to the diet of 1000-1200 calories a day really well. Of course there are some little mistakes here and there but I have been doing well. I have also been a lot more active. I really thought I was doing really well with losing weight. I have also been off soda since that is also a help. I went to my 5th weigh in yesterday and I gained the 4lbs back that I had lost plus a pound. How does one gain 5 lbs in a month when they are on such a strict diet? This is what I have been asking myself since I stepped on that scale. I was really looking forward to my appointment yesterday too, I just knew the numbers were going to be lower. I don't know what I did wrong but I am a little bit ashamed of myself, okay, I am very ashamed of myself. It just really sucks. I guess this is why I need the surgery. I just wish I knew why I was gaining weight like this. I can't believe my weight is as high as it is. I never thought I would "let" myself get like this. I sometimes just want to crawl into bed and hide. It really is starting to get to me. I am tired of being like this, I am tired of having my weight take control of my life, because that is how I am feeling.

2 weeks from today I should get a surgery date. I am counting down, I am very excited about it. Then I think to myself, that date means nothing because it is up to my insurance if they are going to let me get the surgery or not. My last weigh in is Oct 11th, so I am assuming that Oct 12th things will get faxed to insurance. It makes me angry that the insurance is who gets to decide if I am going to get the surgery. I don't think it is fair, especially when I am doing anything and everything in my power to prep for this. I have thought long and hard about this surgery, its not an easy decision to say "Hey, this doctor is going to make my stomach 2 oz's and this is going to effect the rest of my life." This is seriously the hardest decision of my life. Well I should say the hardest/easiest decision. I say it like that because of course it was HARD...I thought long and hard about it and talked to my hubby and everyone, but the easiest because I want ME back. I want my health back to normal, I don't want to have to worry about heart attacks and all the stuff that comes with being over weight.

I just can't wait til my 6 months is over and I hear something from my insurance. When all this waiting is over I will be much better. Let's just hope it's the outcome that I really have been waiting for.


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